just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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