I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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