cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
