Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
