i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
