This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
