Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
