omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize