i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so let's talk penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
