doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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