Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
