You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
