well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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