college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
