God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
