Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize