Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
