i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So many bounce houses so little time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
