East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
