When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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