direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
