In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize