the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
