It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
