I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize