You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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