omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
