i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Iām going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
