Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
