Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
worst night to have a conscience
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
