youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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