Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
