I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Green mimosas i think yes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
