Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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