are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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