Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
