No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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