I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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