woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
