u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
