im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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