dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
