I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
