sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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