If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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