im drinking this country out of the recession.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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