onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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