U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Boobs are out for the taking
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
