Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
