I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
