just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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