I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
