Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
