I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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