Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
