totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
