singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
