So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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