there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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