He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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