My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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