Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
