she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
