I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
